He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Randomize
