You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
