I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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