It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
