420 ftw
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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