then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
