Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Let's get the cat blown out
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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