Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
