I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
