i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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