So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do vagina's smell?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
