Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
