dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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