dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
