My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
