Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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