im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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