If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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