I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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