bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
