i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
