My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
