a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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