Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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