you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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