Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
