I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
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My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize