when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
