I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have post one night stand depression
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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