Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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