I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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