D3 body, D1 cock
The maid of honor just puked.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
