his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
