Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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