I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
