Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
