Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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