he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
