Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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