I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
