How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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