I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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