Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Found your dick twin last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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