did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
