just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
