things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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