listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
