You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
