It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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