thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
