hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
