My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
