She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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