so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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