Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
