my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
