I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
then he tried to convert me to islam
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
