yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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