Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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