Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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