In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
