Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
