i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
