Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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