I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
