a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How does it feel to date your dad?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
