i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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