You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
